All posts tagged: bereaved parent

14 months and 20 days later

It has been 14 months and 20 days since my son died but it is only recently that I have realised that grief is going to be part of my life, of me, of who I am until I die. Yes, I did read the books, listened to the stories, talked to other bereaved parents but it has only recently become obvious to me that grief is never going to leave my life and that it is here to stay. For good. That I will have good days always followed, as a rule, by bad, really bad days. That I will get ill much more often than I even did before. That my mind will never be the same; that I have become a head sieve. I forget often and I need constant reminders of appointments and meetings. Loads and loads of patience and understanding too. That I will be sad. Often and deeply and sometimes furiously. That anger will be my closest companion. An existential anger that cannot be directed at any-one, as the …

Grief, galvanized

I have been on the road that no parent ever wants to walk for a year and two months now. In the car today, Alex made a random remark that got me thinking and now, writing. “You have come a long way“, he said, not meaning it as a hurtful remark but as encouragement and praise. Have I truly? I suppose it all depends on the way one looks at things that molds one’s perception. Yes, it does seem we have travelled a long way on the grief path. Our life, post Georgie, has taken turns I have never known to have existed, let alone desired or planned to take before I lost my boy. If I were to put it simplistically and squeeze it all in two sentences, I guess I would say that: 1. grief has completely and utterly transformed me on the inside. 2. grief has(paradoxically and illogically to the non-bereaved) liberated me to see the world in a way I wouldn’t have been able to, had I not lost my son and …

Grieving journey

I haven’t written about our grieving journey for a while. But I live with grief, as an unwelcome foe that has been forced into my life. I cannot shake the reality of it. Oh, how I wish! I know that I have written before about the do’s and don’ts when it comes to dealing with grieving parents. Recently, I have felt the need of a new post, to include new strategies for coping with it and also hurtful things you SHOULD NEVER say to a hurting parent. 1. Don’t say “I could become like you by spending too much time in your company.” I get it, it is depressing and off putting to watch someone mop around over their dead child. But guess what? We did not choose to be in this position and I would give anything not to be here. Even my own life, to bring my child back and give him a future on this earth. 2. Don’t say: “I do not understand you.” We know that, we truly do. As bereaved …