I will always think of our relationship in terms of before and after. Not in the “Christian” way of before and after I received you as my Lord and Saviour. No, Siree! But in the way of before and after my son died. It is no surprise to you, this redefinition of relationship terms on my part. I have never doubted that You had known from the very start what You had put in my womb. You knew my baby was only being lent to me for a very short time. You also knew me, as you had created me and You knew where his death would lead me. You had made me  head strong. You had given me the gift of questioning the givens. And the gift of writing. And the one of being loud about my upsets. So You had known, from the word go, that I would not stand by and accept the pain of losing my son with “dignity.” You had known that his death would transform me. Profoundly and forever. …