Education, Parenting
Comments 8

Parenting with less grace. Remedies

I have been struggling with some of Emma’s behaviour lately. Or maybe not only lately but my reactions have become more dramatic and anything to be proud of. I shout and I smack. There, I said it. I do it in certain circumstances and I thought I might be brave and share them with you just in case other mothers struggle with the same things.

1. My number one trigger is TIREDNESS. Both mine and hers. When we’re both tired and short-fused and when I expect Emma to sleep and she plays up(quite expertly lately, I must add!) I lose it. And it’s not a pretty sight. Remedy: stick to a sleeping routine even if it’s painstakingly difficult to do it. Reinforce your words and actions(thank you, Supernanny!) until the child understands you mean business. Even if that means putting her back into her bed 100 times until she’s dead tired of playing the same boring game. AVOID sleepover with relatives less aware of routine/unwilling/unsupportive.

2. BOREDOM. Yeap, we’re all guilty of it as mothers. I struggle with it especially since I come from a family where my mum worked from when we were six months old and the working values are very deeply engrained in my consciousness. There were no stay-at-home mums in the Communist times and I was was raised programmed to believe a working mum is worthy-er that a non-working mum. Remedy: if you’re a Christian I would recommend a book that totally challenged my perception of motherhood recently. When a Mother Follows Christ, by Katie Hoffman is an eye opener for all of us mums who were raised in non-Christian homes and trying to do the best we can by our children without any role models. Bottom line: align your life with God’s design for your life;if you chose to be a mum, you chose to live a life worthy to be modelled by your children. “True love has right priorities” says the author, referring to the fact that as long as you understand that your children come first to you as a mum(and not yourself) you will have the strength to raise them into sane individuals who know their worth from a very early age. Hoffman warns against “the grass in greener on the other side” mentality and the constant struggle we have as mums to see our job as “worthwhile” while others around us are building more palpable things such as careers, businesses…etc.

3. LACK OF SUPPORT. There are days I feel I am battling it all alone. It was a relief to discover there are other mums honest enough to write about their struggles with the same issues. Just the other days Alissa at Creative with Kids shared a heart-breaking letter from a mum dealing with parenting rage. The response her post got was amazing and put me at ease knowing that I am not alone. Remedy: enrol your husband/partner in supporting you in disciplining the little ones and speak kind words over you when you’re stressed. If he’s not willing/able/present then enrol a friend with whom you can share your struggles and who can encourage you in your weak moments. In the same post someone suggested counselling if you come from a background with a lot of issues. I am all for it as long as you’ve done your research and the counsellor has(again, I am partial, please excuse me) a Christian theology and a LOT of experience.

All in all, remember: you’re a great mum and you’re doing the best you can. When your best is less then what it’s meant to be, take action, seek help and support and rest assured, you’re not alone!! All my respect for all mums out there!!

Your children are yours to raise and your mothering job nothing to demean or take lightly.

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Mum to one beautiful girl on earth and one sweet baby boy in heaven. Privileged carer. Encourager and friend.


  1. I think the most important thing to remember is that no parent is perfect. You love your daughter and are trying your best. That’s going to be what sticks with her the rest of her life. She probably won’t remember you yelling at her about going go bed, but she’ll remember that you cared enough to enforce the rules.

    • I hope so,Jennie! I hope she will forgive and forget all my silly shouting and have the love engrained deep into her heart!!Thanks for your kind comment!

      • Well just remember kids don’t come with instruction manuals. If they did parenthood would be a whole lot easier.:)

  2. Dear sweet Oana I read your post twice. It is not an easy thing to talk about. Relax, its OK to get tired, bored or feel unsupported. You are only a human .It is a tricky thing to know that you are getting stroppy and stop it. Do not be so hard on yourself. I can so relate to being raised in a different way .To this day my parents disapprove to a list of things. As the saying goes it takes a village to raise a child-I always had my grannies, grandpas, my auntie, uncles and a few neighbours. Modern parenting now is a different picture. In my opinion sometimes is easier to just let the child be.I know that getting enough sleep is vital, but I also know that if you are more relaxed about it will be easier for you.May be this is how I see it because Ari was only 16 months when Stellios was born and routines went out of the window. Never mind about that. The main thing is you as a mother feel worthy and confident inside regardless of others opinions.What makes you the good mother that you are is the fact that you care deeply for your little girl and want the best for her. That is all that matter. sending blessings and love

    • Easier said than done,Iva! the tricky thing about letting kids be themselves is you being relaxed yourself. but I relax when I have time to myself, this is the catch 22 for me…Anyway, things can only get better, as the song goes!xx

      • I hope so Oana, I miss our coffee mornings now. What I do is for “me ” time is use every opportunity that I can even if its only 20 minutes or so.It makes all the difference. I wish for you more “me”-time .It’s great to be open and talk about things like that. sending big hugs

  3. Ionela says

    Si eu sunt irascibila cand sunt obosita dar atunci “preia” G. Nu e nimeni perfect. Suntem 2 parinti ca sa ne ajutam/sprijini unul pe altul.

    • Da, si la noi dar din pacate A. vine dintr-o familie unde a fost invatat ca femeia trebuie sa se ocupe exclusiv de copiii si cind ii mai cer ajutorul o vede ca o slabiciune din partea mea, nu ca rolul sau lasat de Dumnezeu…lucram la asta…

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