All posts filed under: Bereavement

On Death

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I have been talking a lot about death this week. And to me, that is natural now. I do not talk about death in a morbid and obsessive way, as some might think. Death pops up in my conversations. In my blog posts. On my Facebook. And since my son is dead, I do not mind talking about the subject. It is my way of keeping my son alive, paradoxical as it may sound. This week, Lexi, another beautiful bereaved mummy, agreed to publish Georgie’s story on her baby loss blog. Of course, death was part of the story, as it is part of every baby loss story on her website. This week, I had lunch with an amazing woman who had spent some of her youth nursing abandoned Romanian AIDS babies not back to health, as she would have wished but onto death. And of course, we talked about pain and death and the great privilege of looking after precious souls so close to their passing into eternity hour and the love we feel …

“Dear Parent…”

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“Dear parent of a gravely ill child, Or a perfectly healthy little one. This letter is for you. And you. You worry about their fate. You want the best for them, of course you do. Your love is deep and wide and reached to the very heart of God. If only love was enough… You trust your God to protect them out of harm’s way. No matter what your God is. Whether it is Allah or Buddha or Yahveh. Or karma. Or the Virgin Mary. Or Mother Earth. We all need to trust in something bigger than ourselves. I trust in God. I trusted in God with my baby boy. I am sure parents of any denomination, faith, affiliation, belief or lack of will tell you all the same thing: they trusted too. They trusted in the universe to do what our most innate instinct tells us it is the right thing. The innocent, the pure, the beautiful. The vulnerable. They certainly will be spared the pain. They will certainly be protected from the worst. …

Seven months on as a bereaved parent

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It has been seven months since Georgie died. Seven long and extremely taxing months. Taxing on our emotions, our mental health, our relationships, our bodies and souls. Looking back, here are the ten things I have learned from the past seven months: 1. Grief is like a sneaky thief, it shows up uninvited and robs you of any remnant of joy and hope. There are no rules in the grieving game, grief doesn’t stick to any rules. It strikes whenever it pleases and the pain can last for weeks and weeks. 2. Grief affects EVERY aspect of your life. There is no area that has been left untouched by grief. My body has been affected, I have put on weight because to me, food is a comfort now. My mind has been severely affected, I have become very forgetful and I have trouble focusing on and staying on plan. My sleep patterns have been altered as well, there is hardly any night I don’t wake up to think and process what has happened to my …

The day I visited with my son

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Today I had my first complimentary therapeutic session with Action Cancer. The charity offers wonderful support to cancer sufferers and carers throughout and, very important, after a traumatic cancer diagnosis and treatment. I chose reflexology from the array of complementary therapies the charity offers because I had enjoyed it immensely during an initial session in Daisy Lodge in December. As a stay at home mum I hardly ever give myself permission to rest and relax. So an hour of pampering, of soothing music and of time with myself and my thoughts, in a relaxed and safe environment, is priceless. This is the second time I visualise visiting with Georgie during reflexology. In December, I was emotionally exhausted and feeling extremely frazzled during my reflexology session so my tears were carried into my visiting times with him. But today….Today was beautiful. I saw my baby boy inundated in sunshine, in a green and lush field. It was spring time and there were daffodils everywhere. Every time I imagine my boy I imagine him running happily and …

Today, I remember

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Today, as every single day since last July, I remember. A bump and the promise of the fulfilled dream of a complete family: A little baby boy, so cuddly and new and loved and wanted, A dream of a boy, so sweet and so happy to just be: A cough and sleepless nights and This ominous, nightmarish feeling, lurking closer and closer. A sick little boy, so helpless and fragile, A fight so big ahead someone so very small. A precious baby boy who taught us how to smile, in spite of all pain and sorrow A little boy who never ceased to amaze his nurses, his doctors and his parents Who sparkled bright on that horrid cancer ward Who grinned in the face of death, Proving it wrong: A little boy who left us waaaaay too soon, with hearts too empty to ever fill again A baby boy who will forever live in our hearts Who will forever be loved Never forgotten Always cherished and treasured and ALIVE With hearts full of sorrow, we …