All posts filed under: Writing

New Year’s Resolutions as a bereaved parent

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Other mummy bloggers have started putting their New Year resolutions’ lists up already. And that got me thinking. (You know that book, “Little Owls” by Martin Waddell and the recurrent line in it, “all owls think a lot“? Yeah, that is me also, especially in the wee hours of the morning.) So, I thought, what would a New Year’s resolutions list look for me, as a bereaved mummy? Here is what I came up with. If you are a bereaved parent, please do feel free to add to this list whatever I may have left out. 1. Enjoy every moment, the best I can. Some days that may mean acknowledging the fact that I am feeling wrecked emotionally and having pizza for dinner. Some other days, it may mean venturing out for a walk and enjoying the nice weather. Some other days, it may mean cuddling in bed after school and watching movies with Emma and giving my body permission to rest and heal. Emma is a great example to me in this, just like …

#NoFilter:Dublin

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I am so honoured to take part, once again, in the #NoFilter project, launched by London City airport. This month, the entries will be judged by Monica Stott, from The Travel Hack. December’s city is one of our most loved citadels, a place we have visited numerous times, both as a couple and as a young family: Dublin! We actually have a trip planned to Dublin for this school holidays and the two days away will most likely be one of the highlights of our Christmas break, like it always is. My love for Dublin blossomed in parallel with my love for Alex. They both charmed me very early on in our relationship with their mystery and handsomeness. Our courtship, one of a kind and very modern, relying heavily on Internet connections and Messenger chats, started on a sunny spring day in Dublin, with one very confident-looking Alex taking photos of himself in Saint Stephen’s Green: Dublin airport, is where, not even a year later, we waited eagerly for my mum as newlyweds and took …

The day I left church and decided to be church instead

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No details, none necessary. I am just at this point in my life where I can’t take any amount of unnecessary anythings. Being in a building with people with whom I share only a name is not part of my life statement anymore. Being somewhere just for the sake of being, just for the sake of filling in a morning every week does not sit well with me anymore. I am here to help with whatever I can. Alex and I will have our home open on Christmas evening to whoever feels down, lovely or friendless. If you have nowhere to go that evening, let us know and we will provide you with a warm meal and a friendly chat, here, in our home. We have both agreed, after numerous and very open, heart to heart discussions, that we will use the experience of the past number of months to be church to people who need it most. But we cannot play church anymore. Seeing a son die sharpens your awareness to genuineness , sensitivity …

Grief is…

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…a whirlpool, we were told in counselling last week. It sucks you in, when you least expect it and it spits you out, exhausted and drained. …a maze, out of which you never quite manage to emerge, I read. You pass from one chamber to another, sometimes chased, just like in the Maze Runner, not by a griever but by Grief. Sometimes you crawl through it, from one chamber to another and back again where you started: shock, anger, acceptance, pain, shock, anger… …anger plus despair plus pain plus loneliness. All at once, on any given day. …a loud banging-like noise in your head that deafens you to any other noises of this world. All you feel like doing is shout back. But at whom? And to what effect? …never knowing how to play your emotions. Play them down and they come flooding over, like a tsunami, when you least expect it. Play them up and people drain away from you, like water off the surface of dry, parched up land. Grieving emotions are inconvenient …

Santa Letters

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Just like any other five year old, Emma loves Santa. I have blogged about how we introduced Santa in our family and about how we have tried to reconcile the idea of Santa with that of Jesus‘ birthday and celebration. Last year we used this beautiful image I had found online to explain to Emma that Santa doesn’t have to replace Jesus: This year Emma has been asking more questions about Santa and a couple of times she has even asked me if he is real. I feel uncomfortable telling her fibbs so instead I kept saying to her that he is God’s helper and that he is bringing gifts that God has for her. Emma also wrote her first letter to Santa this year, with daddy’s help, asking for a “guitar, my size” and about Georgie’s whereabouts in Heaven. Too sweet!! This morning, Santa replied to her letter, via the Lapland Mailroom! Back in October, the elves in Lapland were looking for mummy bloggers to review their Santa letter service and we happily volunteered! …