Education, Parenting
Comments 6

I’m not gonna raise my child to be an achiever!

I know something the prince never knew: One day she will be gone…

I know, I know, I’m a scandalous mum, right?

The other day I came upon a short article in “Daily Mail” that touched upon the subject. Following a study in a number of families over a number of years (you wouldn’t expect me to remember data, would you, I’m a philologist!) they concluded that parents who had taught their offsprings to be”go-getters” had set them for failure, not for success! Children whose upbringing centered on getting results, always be at the top and feeling good ONLY when they had another achievement to tuck into their belt didn’t have the ABILITY or KNOW HOW to relate to people, form meaningful attachments and rely on friends when things went wrong…Basically, they hadn’t been taught there is a social aspect to life.

Right, before you jump up and say this is silly nonsense( and you would if you were raised to be an achiever and you feel threatened!), let me tell you that I live in the very close proximity of an achiever and I can testify to the veridicity of each and every ridiculous statement above. I know what it means when someone can’t enjoy their weekend because they “haven’t done enough” during the week (read, haven’t worked for 12 hours each day, only 11!). When they cancel on you last moment and let you go and see friends alone because they have “something more important” to finish. When they take their laptop or mobile phone on every single holiday, even weekends away or birthday celebrations, because they need to “touch base.” When they explode because they haven’t learned how to release anger and smash the above mentioned mobile phone/laptop against a wall…

So no. I’m not gonna teach my child to be an achiever. If you have read my previous post, you would have realised I’m the sort of mum that goes with the flow. My child’s own pace, that is! Sooo, if my child will prove to be a prodigy and has it in her blood to achieve great results in any field of expertise, I will not prevent her from achieving! But if she grows into a happy, healthy girl who loves her friends more than doing her homework, I will not protest. I will encourage her to care about people more that medals because at the end of the day, there are no medals given out for the best things in life: having a baby,meeting a friend for coffee, relaxing at the end of a hard day…


  1. I am with you on that one, Oana. The main thing it to teach your children to be themselves. If you only focus on results you will miss the whole point of living. There is a time and a place for setting goals and making a plan, but the beauty in life is that is unpredictable. xxx

    • Iva, you know my battles too well and you know this one will be an ongoing one. But I’m prepared for it, for my child’s sake!xx

    • Thank you. God is making my experiences poignant so they can be relevant to me and others.xx

  2. Yup! Agree totally. I think to a point those over achievers *do* attain success, whether it’s Harvard or being a CEO, but they’re usually unhappy. I always hear about kids being so pressured that they crack and can’t take it anymore. And I’ve read countless studies that those who actually like learning do better than those who are forced.

    For my son, we promote the love of learning. And I’d rather that he play instead of learn school stuff, because at this age they learn so much more by playing than memorizing.

    • Please share the studies when you find them and I will share your page on my Facebook page.I’m very interested in the subject.xx

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