Traditional family roles

Traditional family roles. Admirable idea in theory. A pain in the buttocks in reality.

Before you pick up a stone, let me explain. I come from a family where both my mum and dad worked. My dad drank. My mum had to make decisions, not because she wanted it but because she had to. I was raised with a strong mother character to emulate. This might as well could have been imprinted in my DNA. Monkey does what monkey sees. I need to make decisions and I need to work in order to feel good about myself. This is how I have been “programmed.”

And then I married a man who had been raised with an exactly opposite role model. His dad still believes he has to have the last word in absolutely EVERYTHING. His mum never worked after she got married. She was never empowered into making decisions because this was “a man’s job.” Just like a woman’s job was to feed, entertain, educate, nurse and nurture children. Clean the house. Stay in her man’s shadow and know where his socks, keys and everything else was. That sort of thing.

When you compare a tiger to a lily the lily loses. Not her beauty, her delicacy and her designated role on this earth(which is to teach humans about beauty). She just loses her SIGNIFICANCE in the eye of the comparer; of the beholder, if we are to speak in William Shakespeare’s terms.

Ideally, traditional roles learned in our homes should be left at the door once a new marriage begins. We are all unique individuals and what worked or didn’t work for our parents are never FORMULAS to follow but moulds that will misshape your beloved into something they are not. But we learn this through the pain of experience. Good luck to you all, married folks and please leave a comment to let us know how the re-thinking, re-moulding and the establishing of your own roles and family traditions goes.