Comments 10

Positively fed up

It’s been three months and two weeks since we left Greece with many plans and hopes for the future. We were going to come to Ireland, find work, make some money to put aside for our retirement and a little home of our own. On top of that I had a strong sense that I was coming back to Ireland to help with a children’s or women’s ministry of some sort. Broken down into smaller steps, I was going to find temporary work as a substitute teacher, as I had done in the past, look after my little one the days I would have no work and in the meanwhile try and figure out where God wanted me to help.

Three months, two weeks  and some days later I have achieved NOTHING of what I had planned.

I only had three(yes, THREE!!!) days of work since we came back as a substitute teacher. In consequence I started looking for alternatives but apparently selling yourself for less doesn’t get you more in this country: I am overly qualified to work as a classroom assistant so in consequence “thank you for your enquiry but on this occasion you were unsuccessful.” I even applied to be a part-time, temporary nanny but the “potential employer” came back to me with a contract similar to the ones I imagine secret agents sign vouching total allegiance, perfectly cooked meals, laundered linen and appropriately entertained offsprings all for £6.50 an hour, after tax…

I came nowhere near finding what ministry I am supposed to get involved in, even if I volunteered in several places to work for free and get some experience. I have had countless chats with people who have teaching experience, life insight and spiritual wisdom. Inconclusive. In fact, the sky seems locked behind unbreakable glass doors and my sense of spiritual direction has seriously been going…akimbo.

On top of that, just to make my sense of failure complete I have been reacquainted with old high school colleagues who have “made it in life”, as the word goes.  Appraised university lecturers, business owners, home owners. Aha, that sort of thing while I have “stay at home mum” and “odd teaching jobs” to account for myself. And no pressure there, hey, I am only 34, right, I have another 30-40 years to make it happen. Oh boy, who am I kidding???

So the question arises: what……on earth am I doing here?? Here as in my marriage: complete, childlike dependency comes to mind when I try to define our relationship. Here as in mothering: what sort of example am I setting for my little one, moping (figuratively) around all day. Here as in Northern Ireland: six years of odd employment and no hope of further makes me sour in the mouth just to think about it. Here as in spiritual journey, when I have no clue whether I am coming or going. Metaphorically speaking.

Thank you for stopping by at the “feel sorry for myself” clinic. Please feel free to return at a later date. No optimism guaranteed though.

This entry was posted in: Parenting


Mum to one beautiful girl on earth and one sweet baby boy in heaven. Privileged carer. Encourager and friend.


    • Cata, intelegi de ce nu ti-am raspuns la oferta? Eu stiu ca lucrul cu omul ca agentie e delicat si cum ma simt eu acum super dezamagita nu as face la altii niciodata. Sint sigura ca tu nu lucrezi asa dar oamenii aici vor numai dreptul lor si nu se gindesc la nimeni altcineva.xx

  1. Ruth thomas says

    Oana sometimes people come up with all these fantastic words of wisdom and I to my shame have been someone who has handed out this fantastic womanly wisdom but do u know over the past months I have come to realise that we need to have times such as u are going through to realise our own fragility and our need of God not just a o I need God but a real GOD I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE we need to be at a position of getting on our knees and praying because our lives do depend on our prayers. Don’t be discouraged speak words of faith over your future God is a good God who loves u and wants to prosper u in all ways His TIMING IS PERFECT Oana doors will open in all areas of your life. WAIT on the LORD how many times do we read that in the bible Oana it is good advice wait in faith and expectation He has it all in control ur situation is temporary. Psalm37:33-34

    • Ruth, I know that from His hand comes “every good and perfect thing”. It’s just that looking at my life everything seems so dangerously random, especially the fact that I have been here 6 years and humanly, I have achieved NOTHING. I now this will change. I just don’t know when and how :-).

      • Ruth thomas says

        Oana you obviously don’t see what others see so I will tell u if u don’t mind what I see.
        I see a lovely woman of God who in the past six years has established a good Godly marriage where she displays the fruits of the spirit.(peace gentleness etc)
        I see a lovely mum to a beautiful daughter the most important job in the world Emma will remember a mum who was with her loving her and more importantly laying foundations for a Godly life.
        I see a precious friend to so many.
        I see a woman reaching out to those who are lonely.
        Don’t measure ur SUCCESS by worldly standards it is not the outward things which matter it’s the inward growth which SPIRITUALLY speaking u seem to be making progress. We don’t know when things will happen a benefit of being human which I personally believe is a gift from God because to know when things will happen will upset His plan and it is a better plan than ours!!! If we know the timing of our lives and what will happen we would change things which ought not to b changed possibly delaying seeing our visions and dreams established. I have been where u Oana it’s not an easy place but a learning place it ok to b fed up!!but it’s also good to know that things will change possibly to learn patience is one of the hardest things. Hope u don’t mind me saying this but I know u will see progress.
        Love Ruth x

  2. Dear Oana, life is a journey and sometimes you get a patchy bit , while you are going through it you feel down , which is OK. You are only human, but then again there is only one Oana like you. Your path is only your own. Let your friends have theirs -you are unique and totally talented and driven woman.I know your time will come. Look for the silver lining and remember that I think of you with all my heart and hope and pray for you. You are an amazing mother, loving wife and from what I have seen a brilliant teacher and so good with

  3. Sending lots of luck your way Oana! I haven’t job-hunted in ages but I hear that one of the best ways to do so is through networking and hitting up people who work in industries you’re interested in, even for informational meetings.

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