Parenting
Comments 7

When a baby dies

When a baby dies, a part of the world dies with him.

Cause a baby is not an isolated incident or an accident of the universe.

A baby carries within him the promise of the future. Of future generations. Of callings fulfilled. Of blessings in the making.

So when a baby dies, a part of the world dies with him…

When a baby dies, a part of his mother’s heart dies with him.

I couldn’t locate it physically, that part, but I can tell you it is the part responsible with belly laughter. And naïveté. And careless enjoyment of a simple moment.

When a baby dies, a part of his mother’s heart dies with him.

And for a while, for a long while, there is only sadness covering her life, like dew covers grass in the morning.

And the naïveté is gone. All gone. Never to return. It left when her baby was given no chance to live by the doctors. When she watched him disappear, day after day, behind a curtain of pain and slumber. When she held him tight, close to her heart and he took his last breath. When she took him into her bed, afterwards, and did what she had longed to do all along. Cuddle with her precious son.

And there is no more careless enjoyment of a simple moment. It’s all anguish. And scary scenarios the mind plays on automatic. And when there is joy, it is followed sharply by guilt.

Guilt to be alive. Guilt to not have been able to procreate a healthy baby.

Guilt of not having been able to protect him of illness. And pain. And death.

When a baby dies, a mother dies. A hundred deaths.

Of what ifs. Of why nots. And why hims.

Oh sweet face, how this mother misses your giggles.

Your presence.

Your sweetness.

Your eyes, telling a thousand stories.

Your cuddles.

Loving you, now and forever more.

image

 

This entry was posted in: Parenting

by

Mum of one beautiful girl on earth and one sweet baby boy in heaven. Daughter of a wonderful woman. Wife of a very entrepreneurial man.

7 Comments

  1. adayinthelifeofabusymum says

    Ack my lovely, this post is so beautifully written & heartbreaking. I love love love that photo & your precious little man. Thinking of you at this unimaginably difficult time xx

  2. Rachael says

    My heart aches for you , love & prayers and thank you for sharing such beautiful words and painful insight and I guess a little piece of you soul x

  3. Maria Makri says

    Oanna mou, kouragio my sweet. Kouragio. Just feel my hugs and my love. Mimi

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