I am back to my grief posts. I should have finished them in October but grief, exhaustion and the disruption of a week in Greece got in the way.

Carly Marie’s prompt for day 19 of the grieving journal was an encouragement to give a bit of us to others in the moments we feel at our lowest.

I have started a new habit with Georgie’s passing. I have taken to giving joyfully and meaningfully, randomly and spontaneously. I can’t wait for the conditions to be right. I can’t wait for our finances to be perfect. I can’t wait. Full stop.

I feel this urge to bless, whenever and in whatever way I can.

My bank account may have suffered a bashing and will take a little while to recover but I do not care. I am not greedy or wasteful. I use money for the sole purpose of giving joy to others, with any opportunity that is presented to me.

My bank account will recover. Money comes and goes. But opportunities don’t.

I know that full well.

I am so glad for every single toy and baby grow I was able to get Georgie. He enjoyed the stimulation and the comfort they brought.

And in his absence, I enjoy now giving to friends and strangers and family. Giving of me. And out of my pocket.

Because I do not know how long I have here. I do not know if tomorrow I will still be standing.

I feel compelled to do what I can, when I can.

I treasure every moment.

All because of a blue eyed baby boy who made me understand life on earth is more perishable sometimes than tinned food.

I do not want to be told of me “she was survived by a bank account” but  that “she gave out of everything she had, unconditionally.”