Back in December, at the end of a very emotionally taxing month, I decided to purge my Facebook “friend” list.
I had at that time 500 people on my list and I decided to remove EVERYBODY who:
1. In the five months since July had not mentioned Georgie’s passing. Not even remotely. Not even indirectly, by “liking” any of my boy’s pictures. Nada.
2. In the five months since our lives were shattered had lurked in the shadows of Facebook, like spectators or emotional voyeurs, never approaching me personally or virtually but satisfying their need of sensationalism from afar.
So I removed 150 “friends.”
Last week, on top of feeling crap with the flu, having hubby dismantle precious memories in a moment of rage and feeling totally numb emotionally, I had to deal with two outbursts regarding my Facebook list purge.
And I was reminded, once again, why I chose NOT to have those people in my life and why I will stick to my decision.
When it is all about you, about how difficult you must have found it approaching us with your good news, while we were going through the hell of chemo with our sweet boy, yeah, you need to stay the hell away. Forever.
And when you have just noticed that you have been removed from the list, two months on, and you come huffing for an explanation, yeah, I am sorry but you are better where you are.
Guys(and gals) this has been the worst year of our lives by far. And I need to protect our family and our hearts of emotional voyeurs and people whose number one preoccupation is their own self.
I don’t have the energy to deal with you.
And I do not want to have you in my life, lurking on the outskirts, judging my outbursts, raging over my lack of propriety.
Until you have been in my shoes and felt the pain I feel, you will never understand.
So, yeah, stay clear of me and my pain, in your land of ponies and fairytale endings.
I am past that bullshit.
I live in the land of pain and crass reality.
An invisible fence, made out of shards of memories and “will never be” and “should have been” separate us now.
Stay the hell away, in the land of the easily-offended and the self-justified!