Comments 12

Let’s clear the air

Back in December, at the end of a very emotionally taxing month, I decided to purge my Facebook “friend” list.

I had at that time 500 people on my list and I decided to remove EVERYBODY who:

1. In the five months since July had not mentioned Georgie’s passing. Not even remotely. Not even indirectly, by “liking” any of my boy’s pictures. Nada.

2. In the five months since our lives were shattered had lurked in the shadows of Facebook, like spectators or emotional voyeurs, never approaching me personally or virtually but satisfying their need of sensationalism from afar.

So I removed 150 “friends.”

Last week, on top of feeling crap with the flu, having hubby dismantle precious memories in a moment of rage and feeling totally numb emotionally, I had to deal with two outbursts regarding my Facebook list purge.

And I was reminded, once again, why I chose NOT to have those people in my life and why I will stick to my decision.

When it is all about you, about how difficult you must have found it approaching us with your good news, while we were going through the hell of chemo with our sweet boy, yeah, you need to stay the hell away. Forever.

And when you have just noticed that you have been removed from the list, two months on, and you come huffing for an explanation, yeah, I am sorry but you are better where you are.

Guys(and gals) this has been the worst year of our lives by far. And I need to protect our family and our hearts of emotional voyeurs and people whose number one preoccupation is their own self.

I don’t have the energy to deal with you.

And I do not want to have you in my life, lurking on the outskirts, judging my outbursts, raging over my lack of propriety.

Until you have been in my shoes and felt the pain I feel, you will never understand.

So, yeah, stay clear of me and my pain, in your land of ponies and fairytale endings.

I am past that bullshit.

I live in the land of pain and crass reality.

An invisible fence, made out of shards of memories and “will never be” and “should have been” separate us now.

Stay the hell away, in the land of the easily-offended and the self-justified!

fence 2

This entry was posted in: Parenting


Mum to one beautiful girl on earth and one sweet baby boy in heaven. Privileged carer. Encourager and friend.


  1. Deborah the Closet Monster says

    Part of me wants to ask, “They can’t have really …?”

    But of course they could.

    Ugh. Sorry.

    • Oh, yeah, I mean, never mind my kid was dying, they found it hard to come and see him because they had just found out they were expecting. WTF, excuse my French 😊!xx

  2. They say you find out who your true friends are at such times. It’s so true. People can be very selfish and insensitive indeed. Hugs xxx

    • Yes, Leigh, I am sure you have experienced it too. I get so angry sometimes! But then, I need to remind myself that I am wasting precious energy I will find hard to replace.xx

  3. I love your honesty Oana – this is a brilliant line – “So, yeah, stay clear of me and my pain, in your land of ponies and fairytale endings.” 💕

    • Thank you, Vicki. Yes, it does seem like this, that people who have not experienced this sort of pain like in a pony land where they pretend pain cannot touch them or shatter their lives. That they are by some magic, under protection :-). The only protection are their own illusions.xx

  4. Oana, these people have only shown they need you in their lives more than you need them ..they are what mum always called ‘fair weather friends’ – the ones that are only interested when you have something to offer .. they are not friends!

    on a side note i have just noticed your team honk badge are you dancing at wembley?

  5. These people are better off being unfriended hun. You don’t need people like that in your life making it harder for you as lets face…its too bloody hard for you guys as it is!!! *hugs*

    Your going to Britmums? HUZZAAH! Me too!! x

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