When grief falls like a hammer

I have been doing well.

As well as a bereaved mother can be doing, shortly after such an important milestone, as Georgie’s death first anniversary.

But grief is a wheel which keeps turning and keeps mauling your soul, over and over and over again.

I know that talking about Georgie’s life helps other parents, finding themselves in the same horrific situation we have, a year and 30 days ago.

I have been receiving messages from people all over the world.

And Georgie’s story has been recently published by a women’s magazine in Romania, and I had the absolute honour to introduce my baby boy to a Romanian audience of caring new mothers.

But the crust has been ripped off the wounds, once again.

I have been waking up frequently during the night, tormented by the same questions.

Why my boy? Why like this? Why was he allowed to cross the threshold of existence only to know excruciating pain?

Why, Lord, oh, why?

I have learned to live with the pain.

I have learned to cope with the pain.

I have learned to manage my pain.

But at times, at times, I need to let the waves of sorrow wash over me.

I miss holding him.

I miss seeing him smile.

I miss who he would have been now, a toddler and a much loved son, brother, grandson and nephew.

I miss Georgie.

I miss my son.

Can you hear me, sweet boy? Can you feel my sorrow for you?

I hope it reached you like beautiful butterflies, enticing you to run free in lavender fields and play without a care.

I hope it reached you like warm, summer rain drops which make you want to dance and giggle and shout for joy.

I miss you, son.

Now and forever more.

15 Comments

Michelle says
- July 28, 2015
I wish there were words I could say that, but I can’t find them… sending you love and hugs xxx

Deborah the Closet Monster says
- July 28, 2015
Tears, love and so much sorry.

Hannah says
- July 28, 2015
I know there’s nothing I can say, sending you love xxx

Erica Price says
- July 28, 2015
Nothing can make it right. Sending hugs. x

JuggleMum, Nadine Hill says
- July 28, 2015
Your words have brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry for your loss. xx

Emily Harvey says
- July 28, 2015
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of big hugs xxx

helenw87 says
- July 28, 2015
So many completely natural questions, I wish that you didn’t have to be asking them. No words can help, I’m so sorry that Georgie is no longer with you all and especially for the way that he died. Life can be so mean and cruel to the least deserving of people.

I hope that in some way talking about Georgie helps you, as well as others. Never ever let anyone make you feel that you can’t or shouldn’t talk about Georgie. He will always be your son and will always be loved and missed xxxx

practicallyperfectmums says
- July 29, 2015
Such sad but beautiful words. I do hope Georgie can feel the strength of your love for him Oana.

Erika says
- July 29, 2015
There are no words that will ease your pain or comfort you in your suffering, but I would like to pass on my condolences. What a truly horrific thing to have to go through, the loss of a child, I can’t imagine just how hard that is. My thoughts are with you Oana

BeautyAndThePrince (@Lisasbeauties) says
- July 29, 2015
there are no words but im so sorry hun x

Rachel says
- July 29, 2015
My heart aches for you hun, I am just so sorry x

Rebecca Smith says
- July 29, 2015
Asking these questions is completely natural, grief is a terrible thing. So so sorry for your loss x

TheMadHouse says
- July 30, 2015
Grief has no roadmap. It is a journey for everyone and people take different roads. You do it your way and remember that there is no right or wrong way

Sarah Bailey says
- July 31, 2015
I just have no words to help I so wish I could. But I can send hugs and lots of love. x

zingzingtree says
- August 5, 2015
Keep on talking. Your words keep him real and reach out to many xxx