Author: Oana

Baby blankets, memories and Dettol

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With both Emma and Georgie I had a multitude of baby blankets. I wanted my babies to feel warm and safe and cuddly. To my babies, those blankies were my love, wrapped tight around them, keeping them comfy. Emma still get new blankets, even now at 5. Her latest is a Frozen one, of course. I can no longer do it for my Georgie. I can no longer wrap blankies and love around his little frame. I can no longer keep him safe and well. But when I heard about the Dettol campaign, I knew I can do it for others babies and children who need help! Dettol is encouraging us all to donate baby blankets we no longer need to give a good start in life to babies in the UK whose mummies can’t afford them. Not only that, they will go a step further and donate £1 per blankie donated to the Sparks charity, a children’s medical research charity. If you have been following this blog, you know that fundraising for research childhood …

Seven months on as a bereaved parent

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It has been seven months since Georgie died. Seven long and extremely taxing months. Taxing on our emotions, our mental health, our relationships, our bodies and souls. Looking back, here are the ten things I have learned from the past seven months: 1. Grief is like a sneaky thief, it shows up uninvited and robs you of any remnant of joy and hope. There are no rules in the grieving game, grief doesn’t stick to any rules. It strikes whenever it pleases and the pain can last for weeks and weeks. 2. Grief affects EVERY aspect of your life. There is no area that has been left untouched by grief. My body has been affected, I have put on weight because to me, food is a comfort now. My mind has been severely affected, I have become very forgetful and I have trouble focusing on and staying on plan. My sleep patterns have been altered as well, there is hardly any night I don’t wake up to think and process what has happened to my …

Emma’s January Reviews

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Emma enjoys being a mummy blogger’s offspring and this January was rich in beautiful products she got to try and enjoy. Our most special item was actually sent out at the end of December by Zapf Creation and brought comfort to her, as a bereaved sibling. Baby George came in the post a few days before Christmas and I decided to give it to her straight away, instead of saving him as from Santa. Emma misses her brother more than she wants to admit. She tries to be brave for me, especially on my sad days but I know that the reality of what she is missing will forever stay with her and will grow with time. I cannot replace her brother. I cannot be the playmate he was meant to be. I cannot take the ache away. But I can at least give her the comfort of a toy named like her baby brother and fill her arms with it. She loves her baby George toy. She still plays with it daily, even after …

The pain veil

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I have reached this point in my grieving process when all I can see is pain. The pain of the past. My baby’s pain. The horrible, bone-drilling, gut-wrenching, smile-stealing pain that transformed my happy and bright boy into a shell, a shadow, a lifeless body. Our pain, as parents. The shocking, blinding pain of a merciless diagnosis for our beloved son. The pain of lost hopes and dreams. The draining pain of silences, of cruel words, of misguided sermons, of insensitive questions. The pain, the unbearable pain of seeing our son go before us. The pain of the present. The pain that permeates our lives, on every level and in almost every instance. The pain of what could have been, of which we are given cruel reminders every single day. The pain of what will never be, marking every milestone Georgie should have reached. The pain of love that will never be poured over into his life, into his growth, into his development. The pain of the future. The prospect of another sibling for our …