Author: Oana

Healthy January

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I haven’t had a very healthy January. Between recovering from the big blow that the first Christmas without our baby was and surviving Georgie’s first birthday, I needed a lot of comfort food and  chocolate. I don’t even like chocolate but grief would do that to you. Change you into someone unrecognizable at times. But I have tried, on my “good days” to choose right. So when British Lion Eggs asked me to take their health challenge and…eat eggs in the process, I enthusiastically agreed! I have never been one to worry excessively about my weight, my fat or my sugar intake were never monitored closely so I didn’t know a lot about cholesterol in eggs. A couple of years ago, after studying about the Paleo diet and the theory behind it, I decided that as a way of living, it was more coherent than most fad diets that would encourage you to eat a restricted group of foods and nutrients, creating havoc in your body. Now, I was too happy to read that indeed, …

Team Honk Red Nose Day Danceathon

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Since 2012 I am part of this amazing blogger community. They have seen me through my lowest points and they have spurred me on to become a writer of grief and joy and the in-betweens. But bloggers do more than blogging. They change lives through their deliberate acts of support and they do it in the funniest of ways too! Last year, I followed in awe the dedicated and fun Honk Team in their bloggers’ relay adventure from Lands End to John O’Groats, to raise over £30k for Comic Relief. I pledged I will join in the following year. And I am! I am joining in the effort of trying to raise £100K as bloggers and as part of the Honk Team! This year, there will be a six-hour danceathon taking place in the Wembley Arena on Sunday the 8th of March, with over 2000 participants, of which 500 places have been reserved for the amazing Team Honk. As you know, we lost our precious Georgie last July and ever since, my energy has been …

Reality check

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We have been living a lie, as a community of “believers.” We have become lazy in challenging the beliefs that are being shoved into us. We have trusted trends of Christianity and have put miles between us and the Truth. If we go back in history, church didn’t start from the need of a social club. From the need to “have a group to identify with.” To meet up once or twice a week and be nice to each other over a cup of tea and a lukewarm sermon. Church started out of pain. Pain of Jesus on the cross. Pain of children losing their families to persecution and lions. Pain of losing social status over following Jesus. Pain was always in the plan. This has been my revelation this weekend. Only the church grew out of pain. At some point, it actually started causing pain. Crusades and such. It never stopped after that. It took different shapes and it was called different names. And then, pain and death become associated with punishment, since it …

Reflections (from a five year old)

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Emma loves music, dancing and arts. In consequence, “The sound of Music” gets viewed quite often in our household, many times for days, on repeat :-). Tonight, she came in the kitchen after she finished watching it and she was full of questions. She wanted to know why the Von Trapps didn’t stay to pick up their prize in the music competition. When you are five, competitions are exciting, winning is compulsory and refusing a prize is incomprehensible. How do you explain the Holocaust to a five year old? I proceeded to tell her about Austria and its honest and decent people. About Hitler and his bad deeds. About some people in Austria refusing what a bad man was trying to make them do and become. Emma pondered. To my precocious and perspicacious little girl, discriminating against people because of their origin, colour of skin or affiliation seemed aberrant. The questions became deep. Very deep. Mummy, who gave this man the power? Who made him a “king”? I tried to avoid the obvious. I couldn’t, …

Tonight, I should have…

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Tonight, I should have been busy wrapping presents for my soon-to-be one year old boy. Tonight, I should have tucked my boy safely in his cot, having rocked him softly to sleep, having caressed his sweet cheeks and having kissed his sleepy eyes. Tonight, I should have stayed up late making sure the birthday cake is decorated, the cards are bought and the party venue is ready for him. Tonight, I should have counted my blessings up to two. A girl…and a boy…A gentleman’s family…My dream come true. Tonight, I should have gone to bed with dreams and hopes for a little boy who will grow into a reliable, loving and gentle young man. Instead… Instead, my house is quiet but my heart is in turmoil. Instead of running after an active nearly-one year old, I stare into empty space, desperate for someone little to fill my arms. Instead of making future plans, I make survival plans. Instead of cake and joy and silliness there is pain and loneliness and anger. Many of you, kind …