All posts filed under: Writing

Anger

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I am so angry tonight. I don’t recall being so very angry ever before. I am so angry I could punch someone, with the intention to harm and hurt. I am so angry, I could smash my whole house down. I am so angry, I had to get out of bed and come and write this as my therapy. I am so angry, I do not care who reads this and how it could be misinterpreted. I am so angry, I just want to scream. Last night, I found out the cancer Georgie had has been doing fresh victims. But most likely, my search for an answer to the “why?” will remain forever unanswered. As people do not want to associate with parents who have lost their children. As if losing a child makes me or my lost child losers. They think they are special. Different. Not like me. They do not understand that malignant cells do not have prejudices and unless stopped at the root cause, they will do the same harm, again and …

Do you know…

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Do you know how close I am to the brink each and every day? Do you know how much it takes out of me, to act as if everything is okay? Do you know how my heart aches when I see your brand new boy? Do you know how far I feel from everything that will ever mean joy? Do you know how much courage it takes to choose to live every single day, When the alternative to stop breathing and wither away brings less disarray ? Do you know how your never tested faith reeks insult to my broken heart? Do you know how your reminders of heaven nail me to the ground? Do you know that it can never be enough, To have only one child with me, while the other’s shadow hangs over us? Do you know how hard it is to reveal my bruised heart to you, Knowing that, most likely, you do not have a clue? Do you know that my baby has been gone now 11 months, And that …

Brilliance in Blogging Award

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The Brilliance in Blogging Awards are much coveted for signs of public recognition. If you are a blogger living in the U.K. you are sure to have heard of them and almost as sure that you must have aspired to win one some day. In the three years I have been blogging, I have always associated the Brilliance in Blogging Awards with awesome, beautiful and inspirational blogs. Never in a million years did I dream my little blog would be not only nominated but voted and then shortlisted as a possible finalist in the Inspirational Blog section!!! I am writing this post still pinching myself about the enormity of such an honour, to be in company, be it even in a list, of such great names and blogs as Jennie’s Edspire, Leigh’s Headspace Perspective and Karin’s Embrace Happy. These three ladies have been beacons of light to me over the last couple of years. I used to read Jennie’s heart-rendering accounts and the raw honesty of her pain over losing Matilda-Mae made my heart crumble. …

Dear Dalriada Doctor-Part 2

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I had to let the ripples settle before I wrote this. Exactly two weeks ago, I had my first post ever going viral. My “Dear Dalriada Doctor” was seen by 25,000 people in the first three days after being published and was shared over 3000 times! Upon publication, I was almost immediately approached by a number of prestigious local magazines and national newspapers who wanted to interview me and give me a chance to speak on the subject. I was taken aback by the attention, to be honest with you. That evening, I wrote my post as I usually do, out of frustration and as a means to release my emotions and allow my mind to reach a point of rest. The best outcome by far has been being contacted(as a direct result of the post) by many Northern Irish mothers whose children have been affected by cancer and several of the dear CHU nurses we got to know during Georgie’s hospitalisation. Many women also reached out and shared their equally frustrating medical encounters with …

When do I miss you?

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I miss you in my dreams, I search for you futilely and desperately But I can never find you, my son. I miss you when the dreams wake me In cold sweats. I miss you at the crack of dawn When you should be snuggling against me, And search for comfort and my love. I miss you first thing in the morning. The house is too quiet Without what you should have been. Without your presence, Without your giggles, Without your joy. I miss you when I work, I work with so many lovely little boys. And I always wonder How you would have looked, And how you would have been. Would you have been shy or gregariously loud? Would you have liked Maths? Would you have loved story books like Emma? Would you have liked trucks or trains? Yoghurt or apples or rice? I miss you when I sit quietly for lunch Back home. I imagine you being with me. I remember you playing under your baby gym This time last year. I can …