I am so angry tonight.
I don’t recall being so very angry ever before.
I am so angry I could punch someone, with the intention to harm and hurt.
I am so angry, I could smash my whole house down.
I am so angry, I had to get out of bed and come and write this as my therapy.
I am so angry, I do not care who reads this and how it could be misinterpreted.
I am so angry, I just want to scream.
Last night, I found out the cancer Georgie had has been doing fresh victims.
But most likely, my search for an answer to the “why?” will remain forever unanswered.
As people do not want to associate with parents who have lost their children.
As if losing a child makes me or my lost child losers.
They think they are special. Different. Not like me.
They do not understand that malignant cells do not have prejudices and unless stopped at the root cause, they will do the same harm, again and again and again.
I remember how drained and fearful and desperate we were last year.
But I know in my heart, if someone would have approached me and asked me to help them find answers, I would have done anything in my power to make finding a possible answer a possibility.
I do not understand.
It does not make your child have less chances of survival, if you support someone in their efforts to get to the bottom of things or show a bit of empathy and care.
A united effort, solidarity in front of such a cruel enemy can only bring good. If not for my child, it is too late for him, at least for others who will not have to suffer like mine did.
Hiding from reality behind lame excuses is not the appropriate weapon against cancer.
Making people feel like dirt, because their child died and yours hasn’t yet will not keep yours alive.
Why, oh why are we so cruel to each other?
Why, oh why, do we choose to trample over other people’s hearts in the vain hope that tragedy will not touch us by association???
We have all been given a destiny we cannot escape.
But we are “human” beings and not just mere animals when we show kindness and sympathy and compassion to one another in pain and in tragedy.
I feel so angry tonight.
I have never been so angry before.
It is like people are determined to prove my belief in humanity wrong.
It is like they are dead set on showing me that living is all about instinctual survival and never about care for the other fellow being.
And I refuse to live in a world like this.
There is little point in living in a world where being kind and caring and determined to reverse pain is seen as a curse, not as a quality.
I am so tired of this life game.
Prove me right, people, I beg you!
Prove me right!
Show me there are still enough kind people in this world to make living worthwhile.
With a very hurt heart, I bid you goodnight.