All posts tagged: death

On Death

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Every so often, I imagine myself visiting with Georgie in heaven. It usually happens when I have my reflexology sessions as it is the only time I can relax deeply and give Georgie and our love a whole hour, uninterrupted. This week, I didn’t want to leave him in my imagination. I just wanted to stay there or somehow, drag him back into this world. I imagined myself sitting down with him, in a field of high-definition coloured flowers and under a magnificently wide-branched, silver tree and told him again and again how much  I missed him. And I told him that I do hope it will not be long before I get to go there too. These thoughts, before you reach for the phone and call me in panic, are not suicidal thoughts, my friend. For most people, Death is such a scary word and notion. I get it too well, I used to be the same before Georgie died. But now, Death seems more like a friend. After all, it got to take …

Dear Sweet Boy…

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Dear sweet boy who broke our hearts, with your tiny lifeless frame resting on the sand. I am so very sorry. I am so very sorry you had to die in order for the world to fully understand the cruelty of this war you were trying to escape with your mummy and daddy and big brother. I have been thinking of you all day today. I have been thinking at how meaningless this world and all its cruelties must have seemed to you. I have been thinking at how you should have been playing on a warm beach right now, chasing the waves and splashing in delight. You have made a big difference into this world, you know? Your tragic, oh so tragic death, has shown us that there is no limit to evil and that even the most beautiful little boys can die in the most senseless and cruel of ways. Your tragic death has shown us that, in the 11th hour, and after having had watched so many other mummies and daddies and …

#LiveItForGeorgie

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Many of my friends have asked recently about our plans for the 5th of July. On the day, we will mourn the loss of our baby boy afresh as the time will mark, cruelly, a year since Georgie left us. I know that this boy is loved by many more people than we will ever know and I decided to include you all in the marking of what has been the most difficult year of our lives. On the day, we will be on our own. We will spend the day remembering a sweet boy’s face, personality and character and will do things to honour his short life. This is where I want to invite you to take part. I want to launch a campaign called #LiveItForGeorgie. I want to invite you all, alongside family members and friends, to create a bank of memories in the memory of my boy. You see, Georgie never got to do many things on this earth. The simplest things, that we all take for granted. Like ….eating an ice …

When do I miss you?

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I miss you in my dreams, I search for you futilely and desperately But I can never find you, my son. I miss you when the dreams wake me In cold sweats. I miss you at the crack of dawn When you should be snuggling against me, And search for comfort and my love. I miss you first thing in the morning. The house is too quiet Without what you should have been. Without your presence, Without your giggles, Without your joy. I miss you when I work, I work with so many lovely little boys. And I always wonder How you would have looked, And how you would have been. Would you have been shy or gregariously loud? Would you have liked Maths? Would you have loved story books like Emma? Would you have liked trucks or trains? Yoghurt or apples or rice? I miss you when I sit quietly for lunch Back home. I imagine you being with me. I remember you playing under your baby gym This time last year. I can …

On Death

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I have been talking a lot about death this week. And to me, that is natural now. I do not talk about death in a morbid and obsessive way, as some might think. Death pops up in my conversations. In my blog posts. On my Facebook. And since my son is dead, I do not mind talking about the subject. It is my way of keeping my son alive, paradoxical as it may sound. This week, Lexi, another beautiful bereaved mummy, agreed to publish Georgie’s story on her baby loss blog. Of course, death was part of the story, as it is part of every baby loss story on her website. This week, I had lunch with an amazing woman who had spent some of her youth nursing abandoned Romanian AIDS babies not back to health, as she would have wished but onto death. And of course, we talked about pain and death and the great privilege of looking after precious souls so close to their passing into eternity hour and the love we feel …