Comments 6

A pain that never goes away

What were we found to be lacking, Lord, that you took our baby away so soon and in such a cruel way?

Could we not have been trusted with him for another year or decade?

Were we so much worse than so many other parents on this earth who are still enjoying their children and know nothing of the pain of losing their heart in the cruelest of ways?

Is he still remembering us or has your glorious realm and presence deleted our very existence from his memory?

What am I supposed to do with this pain that leaks like puss from me and makes people draw away?

What can I say and do?

How many times can I say sorry for my sins.

How many times shall I repent for wanting another child?

How will I ever forgive myself for bringing the sweetest child in the world in order for him to suffer? Cause suffer he did, from the very beginning, till the very end.

And it is Sunday. And we should celebrate Your resurrection.

But what about my dead heart?

When will it be resurrected from pain and choking grief and anger and resentment?

When? When? When?

I had 8 weeks without my baby.

And it doesn’t get easier.

It gets flipping harder.

Every single day.

And I have no clue how I will pull through another 8 days, months or years without my baby.

And people seem to expect me to move on.

Even my brother, who never “likes” any of my baby’s pictures on Facebook. Trying to shame me into silence. As if silence ever shamed me into anything.

Even my husband, who ever since he returned from his prolonged holiday, hasn’t said a word, one single f…. word about his son without my prompting. “Move on”, his silence says. As if silence ever solved anything between us.

Moving on to what?

I miss you, baby boy and I will never stop writing about or thinking of or loving you.

NEVER, until we meet again.


                                   Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain…


This entry was posted in: Uncategorized


Mum to one beautiful girl on earth and one sweet baby boy in heaven. Privileged carer. Encourager and friend.


  1. Please keep talking about your precious baby boy. Say his name often talk to your husband and make him listen. Men grieve very differently but it will all be there but in not showing it he will be trying to protect you.
    Sending much love xx

  2. Eleanor says

    Keep talking to Alex, my hubby was the same, he didn’t seem to understand, I felt his world returned to normal while mine didn’t and he felt we had to move on. It took time for us to be in the same place. A parent described it as being on a rollercoaster but you were both in separate cars. Sending you lots of love today. xx

  3. I will always say Georgie’s name with a smile on my face. I didn’t have the pleasure of meeting him yet he still left his little tiny footprint on my heart. Following his story made my heart ache yet his little face was also so smiley showing what a brave little boy he was.
    I wish I could take some of your pain away with my words but I know I can’t. Please keep on. Don’t lose faith in your religion, your relationship, your little girland most imimportantly yourself. You have people here for you.
    From your friend
    Ally xxx

  4. Oh Oana, keep talking about little George, keep remembering that sweet face of his and we’ll forever have your back. What your going through many of us cannot understand, and I hope we never do. But my heart goes out to you lovely lady xxx

  5. Damaris says

    When I talk to my husband about you and Alex, I refer to you guys as “Georgie’s parents”. Have been thinking of you much and praying for you in the last two days.

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