Comments 8

31 Days of Grief: Before

PicMonkey CollageThe prompt for today from Capture Your Grief is “before” as in “who I was before Georgie died.”

I know that most parents who go through the unimaginable pain of losing a child talk of “before” and “after.” I am no different. I do refer events chronologically to that point in time, of course I do.

Has the death of my precious baby boy changed me?

Yes and no.

Yes, in the sense that I have lost all trace of innocence and belief in miracles. Life is what it is. Take it as it comes!

I have faced the greatest pain a parent can imagine.

I have witnessed the death of one of the people I held most dear in my heart, my son.

I have seen life depart his tiny beautiful frame and I am forever changed by that event.

I have no fear of death anymore.

I have no fear of anything, as a matter of fact. Because I know that whatever life will throw at us, I will survive it.

Yes, in the sense that I am now more determined than ever to live my life meaningfully and do anything that is in my power to relieve other people’s pain, anxiety or stress.

Yes, in the sense that everything has heightened in me, my senses, my love, my perceptions. Death does that to you. Allows you an insight you could never have had before.

But no, not in my deepest of deepests.

I am still a mummy who loves her children fiercely. Who wants to protect them and keep them close. Who wants them to be happy and well.

I still love my children, both of them. My love for Emma and Georgie will never die. It will exist in my soul forever and ever, long after my body will become dust. Because once love is given, love can never be taken away, especially the love of a mother!

Love you, Bubba Boo, Baby Blue. To the heaven and back. And way, way into eternity. My love for you is forever!


This entry was posted in: Parenting


Mum of one beautiful girl on earth and one sweet baby boy in heaven. Daughter of a wonderful woman. Wife of a very entrepreneurial man.


  1. Pingback: 31 Days of Grief | Mama's Haven

  2. Rachael says

    Have you read “a dedication to childhood” Chanje Kunda
    A quote from it is on the wall at hospital , beautiful xx

      • Rachael says

        If you can’t find it let me know, I put the quote on twitter so can send you that bit at least.
        Love x

      • Rachael says

        I’m not very techie so I’ll just type it out,
        “As untouchable as a starry night
        Gentle wind that blows, you are there in the lives that you touched
        Everyone of you is loved and cherished and unforgettable
        No matter how long or short, your life is immeasurable in love and magic”
        Dedication to childhood , chanje Kunda 2009

        Love xx

  3. charis says

    I came across your blog from the 31 days Facebook page. Let me say I think this is a beautiful subject to write your 31 days on. I have never lost a child, but a dear friend blogged through the loss of her sweet baby girl and I have always admired her bravery to put it out there for others to be encouraged by. I lost my dad to liver cancer a year a half ago and it has been very difficult for me to write on my blog since then. I guess I admire your courage to really grieve because I struggle to walk through my own grief. I pray this time of writing brings a healing balm to your heart. Bless you.

  4. i found your blog from the 31 days facebook page. i haven’t lost a child, but i did lose my dad to liver cancer a year and a half ago, and i would just like to say i admire your courage to write about grief for your challenge, as i have had a really hard time processing my own grief especially in writing. i hope that this time of writing through stuff brings a healing balm to your heart. i am truly sorry for your loss and pray the Lord’s comfort to you. i think your topic will bring courage to others walking though grief.

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