The prompt for today from Capture Your Grief is “before” as in “who I was before Georgie died.”
I know that most parents who go through the unimaginable pain of losing a child talk of “before” and “after.” I am no different. I do refer events chronologically to that point in time, of course I do.
Has the death of my precious baby boy changed me?
Yes and no.
Yes, in the sense that I have lost all trace of innocence and belief in miracles. Life is what it is. Take it as it comes!
I have faced the greatest pain a parent can imagine.
I have witnessed the death of one of the people I held most dear in my heart, my son.
I have seen life depart his tiny beautiful frame and I am forever changed by that event.
I have no fear of death anymore.
I have no fear of anything, as a matter of fact. Because I know that whatever life will throw at us, I will survive it.
Yes, in the sense that I am now more determined than ever to live my life meaningfully and do anything that is in my power to relieve other people’s pain, anxiety or stress.
Yes, in the sense that everything has heightened in me, my senses, my love, my perceptions. Death does that to you. Allows you an insight you could never have had before.
But no, not in my deepest of deepests.
I am still a mummy who loves her children fiercely. Who wants to protect them and keep them close. Who wants them to be happy and well.
I still love my children, both of them. My love for Emma and Georgie will never die. It will exist in my soul forever and ever, long after my body will become dust. Because once love is given, love can never be taken away, especially the love of a mother!
Love you, Bubba Boo, Baby Blue. To the heaven and back. And way, way into eternity. My love for you is forever!