I had to carefully consider taking on the writing of this post as this is such a sensitive topic for me: memories with my baby.
In the end, I decided to go ahead and include this post in my writing journey through grief. Documenting grief is such an important matter and so useful to so many grieving parents out there and their families.
All my memories with Georgie are precious memories.
Cuddles and belly laughs and feverish nights and medical procedures. Our precious time together in the hospice spent going out for walks, swimming and just holding hands all form a beautiful tapestry of pain and joy and sorrow tightly interwoven in my memory.
For the joy of the memory of his big, toothless grins can not be separated in my head from the pain of his premature departure.
Just like the pain of not having him here anymore, of having to live my life without his beautiful presence cannot be separated from the pride I feel every single time I think of him and the dignity with which he faced pain and ultimately death.
The joy of knowing he was such a clever, inquisitive and happy little boy can never be decanted from the ripping, gut wrenching pain of never seeing him achieve of what I know to had been huge, huge intellectual and spiritual potential.
The pain of knowing he will never make it into playgroup, primary school, big school, university and into a job he would have hopefully loved and been good at coexists with the acceptance that we did out very best for him to have had experienced love at its very best.
This post has been prompted by the launch of the new Fairy Non Bio and behind it lies a tender and gentle reminder for us all to do what we do best as parents. A reminder to embrace our children, in their soft cuddly or mucky outfits, depending on the day they are having, and create memories to cherish forever.
On behalf of all parents who would give the world to have one more tight, squashy hug with their departed children, please do just that tonight. Go create beautiful memories with your little ones!