I felt it creep up, Christmas
Slowly saw it taking shape.
It grew in me from angry thoughts
Into Anger.
Then Sickness.
My body was running itself out.
Just like my soul was running itself empty.
Now, it is a big, heavy blanket of Sadness.
It has descended on my soul,
Into our home,
In our family.
Sadness is here to replace,
In an ugly and twisted way
The precious boy I have lost.
I cannot have another baby like this,
They say.
And they are so right.
Sadness bears more sadness
And a baby deserves joy.
But I do deserve joy too.
I do deserve my own miracle too.
There is no way out.
Just sadness, thick and heavy,
Filling out all the gaps.
Leaving no place to breathe,
Leaving no place to exist.
All I have ever wanted was “normal.”
Two point five children,
A home and a husband who loved me.
Was that so much to ask?
Was I so bad to deserve punishment,
And punishment to this degree?
Antenatal depression
Postnatal depression
Cancer
Death.
The death of my dreams.
And now,
Now what????
Mama's Haven 
Oana I’ve just read your ‘abut me’ and it puts your poem into context. You’ve written a poem that delivers your heartbreak so beautifully… #prose4t
Oana, my heart breaks for you, and this poem is so powerful and sadly beautiful x Sending love x
Sending love. It’s so little, but … it’s what I’ve got.
Thank you for this poem Oana. It’s raw and beautiful like you. I’m sending you guys love down here. And I’m sending love to George up there.
Hugs 💕
Sending my thought and love. A beautiful poem which is so raw xx #prose4t
Dearest Oana We love you. In your sadness we love you. I know our love brings no comfort, but it is still a fact. Your brain can tell your heart you are deeply loved. I don’t know what else to say. HUGS
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your poem is raw and heartbreaking. xxx