All posts filed under: Bereavement

Dear Religious Leader…

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Last week, my Facebook page exploded. I made statements that were taken as affronts and there were lengthy and sometimes harsh reactions to my reality of hurt. Meanwhile, things have been addressed and waters have been cleared. But if I had learned anything during this first year of grief, is that religion has moved far away from what it initially was meant to be. So I decided to write a letter. A letter addressed not only to Christian leaders everywhere but to all religious leaders as I know that my situation has not been singular as a bereaved parent. So, here goes: “Dear Religious Leader, A long or short time ago, you felt a calling in your heart to serve God with your life and make ministry your job. I know that you came from a place of dedication, genuine interest and love for your God and His people. But the years have passed, social strategies have been accepted as the Bible or Torah or Qur’an and simple sentiments like hope, compassion and companionship have …

Anger

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I am so angry tonight. I don’t recall being so very angry ever before. I am so angry I could punch someone, with the intention to harm and hurt. I am so angry, I could smash my whole house down. I am so angry, I had to get out of bed and come and write this as my therapy. I am so angry, I do not care who reads this and how it could be misinterpreted. I am so angry, I just want to scream. Last night, I found out the cancer Georgie had has been doing fresh victims. But most likely, my search for an answer to the “why?” will remain forever unanswered. As people do not want to associate with parents who have lost their children. As if losing a child makes me or my lost child losers. They think they are special. Different. Not like me. They do not understand that malignant cells do not have prejudices and unless stopped at the root cause, they will do the same harm, again and …

Do you know…

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Do you know how close I am to the brink each and every day? Do you know how much it takes out of me, to act as if everything is okay? Do you know how my heart aches when I see your brand new boy? Do you know how far I feel from everything that will ever mean joy? Do you know how much courage it takes to choose to live every single day, When the alternative to stop breathing and wither away brings less disarray ? Do you know how your never tested faith reeks insult to my broken heart? Do you know how your reminders of heaven nail me to the ground? Do you know that it can never be enough, To have only one child with me, while the other’s shadow hangs over us? Do you know how hard it is to reveal my bruised heart to you, Knowing that, most likely, you do not have a clue? Do you know that my baby has been gone now 11 months, And that …

This time last year…

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This is what I used to wake up to this time last year. And although the going was horribly hard and we were stuck in a hospital room and NEVER allowed out, for fear of infections, this little sweet face brightened my day. Every day. I have realised that most of you didn’t know us back then so this was meant to be an insightful blog post into what the cancer ward really is for a family. I wanted to tell you how exceptionally draining it was on our marriage, on our bodies, on our emotions to live apart. To not be together as a family for over two months. To live out of suitcases and plastic bags. To live off food that people kindly cooked for us all those weeks. To wish your daughter good night over the phone, with her crying and asking you to come home. To see your own mother crumble every time you walked in through that door, bone-weary and burdened to the ground with the load of your baby’s …

Dear Dalriada Doctor-Part 2

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I had to let the ripples settle before I wrote this. Exactly two weeks ago, I had my first post ever going viral. My “Dear Dalriada Doctor” was seen by 25,000 people in the first three days after being published and was shared over 3000 times! Upon publication, I was almost immediately approached by a number of prestigious local magazines and national newspapers who wanted to interview me and give me a chance to speak on the subject. I was taken aback by the attention, to be honest with you. That evening, I wrote my post as I usually do, out of frustration and as a means to release my emotions and allow my mind to reach a point of rest. The best outcome by far has been being contacted(as a direct result of the post) by many Northern Irish mothers whose children have been affected by cancer and several of the dear CHU nurses we got to know during Georgie’s hospitalisation. Many women also reached out and shared their equally frustrating medical encounters with …