Mama's Haven

Okay, it should read one actually because she stayed dry till evening when she needed a poo but daddy was in the toilet and mummy was busy downstairs. She tried to let us know but a long habit of doing it in her pants won over. Anyway…

Yes, my toddler is potty trained!! She’s two and four months. Some would say I should have done it sooner, some books advocate toddler led potty training and advise leaving it till the toddler is nearly three. Any mum out there with a bit of sense about herself would tell you that it will happen…when it happens! We have had several unsuccessful attempts before but we never made a big deal of them. I thought she will learn one day and it’s no point making her feel rubbish just because she’s not ready yet.

You see, I don’t believe in “one rule suits all” or guilt trips. They are set by people who have nothing better to do with their time: childless nannies, busy body grannies…etc. I believe in getting to know your toddler so well that you actually recognise when they’re ready for the next step. Some are ready sooner, some later, that’s all.

I was given the responsibility to raise my child into an independent and confident adult and every decision I make regarding her will be reflected in the future. And boy, is she proud of herself these days!! A new-found and so-refreshing-to-see confidence she wouldn’t have had, had I forced her into potty training before she was ready. She can assume responsibility for it now and it’s great to be able to enable my child in this manner!

Many thanks to her nursery, they were patient and supportive and helped this experience to be a total success.

I am now on the lookout for signs of readiness for moving into a big girl bed, so exciting!!

Doubt…

We watched the movie last Saturday and it kept us awake into the small hours of the morning.

The story line is quite flat, just like bad gossip: a superior nun,who’s also the principal of this Catholic school, suspects a newly appointed priest of inappropriate behaviour towards one of the pupils. She doesn’t have any evidence, only a few incidents brought to her attention by an eager and easily impressed young nun. But she convinces herself and everybody else involved that the priest has wronged the child somehow and makes him leave the school and the parish.

The movie is on the other hand brilliant in exploring the human mind and its intricacies: it makes the viewer aware of how easily a “reality” can be created out of suspicion and self-justification. As, indeed, nothing is explained in the end and the viewer is left battling a sea of endless possibilities and scenarios. Was the reality Sister Aloysius Beauvier constructed veritable or was it all in her head and she blamed an innocent man? Or were there clues one has missed (there is a very confusing conversation between Sister Beauvier and Donald Miller’s mum, the pupil in question) that were there to incriminate Father Flynn? Is there more to the story than what meets the eye?

I have been in similar situations myself, when somebody interpreted the reality from their perspective and then declared my acts as intolerable. The devastation doesn’t come only from the complete and utter destruction of that relationship but also from the doubt that is left hanging over the “accused” person in everybody else’s eyes. People are, I’m sorry to say, much easier influenced by bad reports than by good ones.

What have I learned from my past experiences that Doubt reinforced in my psyche?

1. Petty people are to be treated with respect as they can cause a lot of damage.

2. There is always another side to a story, be wise and listen to it carefully before you pass judgement.

3. Always gather evidence before throwing the stone.

4. If you look to find fault in people you’ll always find some dirt to dig out. A more applaudable approach to life would be to look deep enough in everybody’s soul to find something good to bring to light, despite “obvious” evidence!

5. Never base judgement on feelings, either yours or anybody else’s, no matter how heated the argument is. You are not in the right just because your feelings tell you so!

The movie ends brilliantly with Sister Aloysius doubting her judgement and treatment of Father Flynn. For me, it’s an open end movie, the best I’ve ever seen. Because if Sister Aloysius was right but acted too hastily and didn’t allow herself time to gather evidence then she might have released a child molester into a much bigger community and school…If she was wrong, her actions still deprived a child of the support of a vitally needed father figure and possibly left their mark on Donald Miller’s destiny…

Conclusions? It’s sooo, sooo easy to feel self-righteous and justify an act of meanness. So easy to wrong back when we feel we’ve been wronged. But meanness is not to be taken lightly and made use of easily because it will always affect someone’s life, to a smaller or a greater extent. Use your influence wisely, girls, that’s all I’m saying!

This would be an oxymoron normally but we’ve been blessed with TOTALLY cloudless sky so although I was gonna write a review on the movie Doubt I’m gonna grace you all with more pictures. See you tomorrow!

View from our back garden

You're entitled to mistake this for a beach in Spain!

Coffee in the sun, can't think of anything better!

Ballyholme Marina

Ward Park,Bangor

Daffodils, Ward Park, Bangor

Spring Look

The weather has been surprisingly good the last few weeks so we made the most of it, by going to a farm and a museum. Have a look at what Northern Ireland is like in the sunshine!

I was teaching today. I am what they call in the States a “supply teacher” or a “substitute teacher” here, in Northern Ireland. I get phone calls in the evening or even early in the morning, mainly from primary schools and go in when a teacher is sick or on a training course.

Today it was a secondary school, for a change. A couple of years ago I had the privilege to work with some great kids there, from Thailand, Malaysia, India and China, who needed a bit of practice and encouragement with their English. Today I wasn’t so privileged and had a battle on my hands with every new class who walked through the door. It wasn’t me they were fighting but the institution I represented, the authority they wanted to usurp from their lives because it doesn’t stand for anything meaningful to them. They don’t see the point in studying and considering their backgrounds, I don’t blame them, really. For many of them, the sense of twisted peer recognition coming from mocking everything that stands for authority is all the praise they’ll ever know. It’s the safety of numbers, the safety of uniformity within the peer group, the false sense of safety only ignorance was give. I wasn’t shocked by their attitude today, has been a while since rudeness impressed me.

What impressed me today (and every time I go into a school from “the wrong side of town”) were the kids who did do their work and were eager to learn despite the mayhem and interruptions. These kids prove to me that strength isn’t necessarily defined by physical appearance nor age. These kids are strong in their spirits because they have chosen to literally stand out from the crowd and swim against the current. The defeatism and cynicism that characterises their peers have left them unscarred because they have chosen to believe. Believe they can be what they dream to be and not what their peers tell them they should be!

Hat off to all the good kids in big schools out there!