Author: Oana

HelloFresh: Review

Published by

I love cooking. It relaxes me and it helps me express love. The months I spent in hospital with Georgie were really hard for me from this point of view as well. I express love through service and although I was there looking after my precious boy I felt that I was neglecting the other members of the family by not being able to provide meals cooked with care and love for them. Once we came back from Greece, after our time away this summer, I found it hard to get into cooking again. Not having cooked for almost half a year(!!), I had a hard time finding motivation, getting the portions and quantities right…etc. When I came across HelloFresh, who were running an offer at the time and offering their classic box for £20 instead of the usual £39, I decided to give it a go. I needed some professional help to get me out of my cooking stupor! I am so glad I did! 1. The box comes with three COMPLETE meals inside. …

On Heaven

Published by

Heaven is a dilemma for the human mind. Not for the human heart, though. In the weeks following Georgie’s death I couldn’t allow myself to imagine heaven as I knew my imagination, even my wildest imaginations, could not do it justice. My heart had this deep and intricate and intimate perception of what heaven looks like but my brain, my inner eye couldn’t imagine it, couldn’t “see” it. Go on Google and type in “heaven images” and you will understand what I mean. Your soul will be totally dissatisfied with the images it sees because it knows that heaven cannot be rendered in images. Its magnificence and glory cannot be portrayed by any drawing. Have I told you before that on the night Georgie died, the very moment he transitioned from this earth to the heavenly realm, I heard almost audible clapping? You can call me delusional or grief-stricken or plain exhausted but I know in my heart, in my spirit, that Heavens were roaring with cheering and clapping when my baby boy entered Heaven. …

On grief, anger and pain

Published by

It’s been two months since my baby died. I remember reading this post back in July, on the 5th, the day my baby died, and having no clue about grief. How could I have had? The numbness wore off. The numbness that followed the indescribable pain of watching my sweet son die. The baby that I longed for with fierceness, the boy who was so bright and was meant to become a doctor and save so many lives, according to his doting Bica. My mini me… And numbness was followed by anger and searing pain. In a chaotic and overwhelming melange of emotions and feelings. I have been angry. With everyone. With myself. With God. With Alex. With Emma. With people saying things. With people not saying things. With pregnant women. With women with babies. With people sending me shitty links meant to “guide” me through my grieving process. “Spiritual” links. With people staring dumb-folded when I say I lost my baby.  But do you know what has been the overwhelming feeling since the numbness …

A pain that never goes away

Published by

What were we found to be lacking, Lord, that you took our baby away so soon and in such a cruel way? Could we not have been trusted with him for another year or decade? Were we so much worse than so many other parents on this earth who are still enjoying their children and know nothing of the pain of losing their heart in the cruelest of ways? Is he still remembering us or has your glorious realm and presence deleted our very existence from his memory? What am I supposed to do with this pain that leaks like puss from me and makes people draw away? What can I say and do? How many times can I say sorry for my sins. How many times shall I repent for wanting another child? How will I ever forgive myself for bringing the sweetest child in the world in order for him to suffer? Cause suffer he did, from the very beginning, till the very end. And it is Sunday. And we should celebrate Your …