All posts tagged: bereavement

When grief falls like a hammer

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I have been doing well. As well as a bereaved mother can be doing, shortly after such an important milestone, as Georgie’s death first anniversary. But grief is a wheel which keeps turning and keeps mauling your soul, over and over and over again. I know that talking about Georgie’s life helps other parents, finding themselves in the same horrific situation we have, a year and 30 days ago. I have been receiving messages from people all over the world. And Georgie’s story has been recently published by a women’s magazine in Romania, and I had the absolute honour to introduce my baby boy to a Romanian audience of caring new mothers. But the crust has been ripped off the wounds, once again. I have been waking up frequently during the night, tormented by the same questions. Why my boy? Why like this? Why was he allowed to cross the threshold of existence only to know excruciating pain? Why, Lord, oh, why? I have learned to live with the pain. I have learned to cope …

Dear Religious Leader…

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Last week, my Facebook page exploded. I made statements that were taken as affronts and there were lengthy and sometimes harsh reactions to my reality of hurt. Meanwhile, things have been addressed and waters have been cleared. But if I had learned anything during this first year of grief, is that religion has moved far away from what it initially was meant to be. So I decided to write a letter. A letter addressed not only to Christian leaders everywhere but to all religious leaders as I know that my situation has not been singular as a bereaved parent. So, here goes: “Dear Religious Leader, A long or short time ago, you felt a calling in your heart to serve God with your life and make ministry your job. I know that you came from a place of dedication, genuine interest and love for your God and His people. But the years have passed, social strategies have been accepted as the Bible or Torah or Qur’an and simple sentiments like hope, compassion and companionship have …

#LiveItForGeorgie

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Many of my friends have asked recently about our plans for the 5th of July. On the day, we will mourn the loss of our baby boy afresh as the time will mark, cruelly, a year since Georgie left us. I know that this boy is loved by many more people than we will ever know and I decided to include you all in the marking of what has been the most difficult year of our lives. On the day, we will be on our own. We will spend the day remembering a sweet boy’s face, personality and character and will do things to honour his short life. This is where I want to invite you to take part. I want to launch a campaign called #LiveItForGeorgie. I want to invite you all, alongside family members and friends, to create a bank of memories in the memory of my boy. You see, Georgie never got to do many things on this earth. The simplest things, that we all take for granted. Like ….eating an ice …

Anger

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I am so angry tonight. I don’t recall being so very angry ever before. I am so angry I could punch someone, with the intention to harm and hurt. I am so angry, I could smash my whole house down. I am so angry, I had to get out of bed and come and write this as my therapy. I am so angry, I do not care who reads this and how it could be misinterpreted. I am so angry, I just want to scream. Last night, I found out the cancer Georgie had has been doing fresh victims. But most likely, my search for an answer to the “why?” will remain forever unanswered. As people do not want to associate with parents who have lost their children. As if losing a child makes me or my lost child losers. They think they are special. Different. Not like me. They do not understand that malignant cells do not have prejudices and unless stopped at the root cause, they will do the same harm, again and …

Do you know…

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Do you know how close I am to the brink each and every day? Do you know how much it takes out of me, to act as if everything is okay? Do you know how my heart aches when I see your brand new boy? Do you know how far I feel from everything that will ever mean joy? Do you know how much courage it takes to choose to live every single day, When the alternative to stop breathing and wither away brings less disarray ? Do you know how your never tested faith reeks insult to my broken heart? Do you know how your reminders of heaven nail me to the ground? Do you know that it can never be enough, To have only one child with me, while the other’s shadow hangs over us? Do you know how hard it is to reveal my bruised heart to you, Knowing that, most likely, you do not have a clue? Do you know that my baby has been gone now 11 months, And that …